Post by Angel on Sept 9, 2013 20:50:12 GMT -7
Warning: Trigger Level; Yellow. May contain mild triggers.
Hi.
My name is Angel, I'm 25 years old and I'm still a virgin. I've struggled off and on with depression and anxiety for most of my life, but only recently developed a sex phobia. That's right. I'm afraid of sex. It's weird to say, or write, but it's true. In particular, I'm afraid of male genitalia. Also funny to actually write out.
When I tried to start reaching out and trying to have relationships, typically with men (only recently realized I'm bisexual) I ended up in a couple different situations where I felt pressured to do more than I was really wanting or comfortable doing. Things that would ordinarily be considered normal in a relationship with two adults, I had some serious issues with because of my fear of intimacy. And because I was so deadset on pleasing other people, I put them first and ended up in a very, very dark place where I hated myself for what I did because it wasn't for me. I ended up cutting to deal with this.
It started off light at first, maybe once every couple days or whenever I felt bad, most of the time it wasn't very deep, but as I spiraled down, I needed more to feel better. Eventually I was very much in danger of going to deep and doing irreversible harm. At some point - and I can't quite articulate what point it was - I snapped. I realized I was a mess. I was drinking heavily and cutting myself almost daily. And I wanted out.
Somehow, I stopped. And I never looked back.
My name is Angel, I'm 25 years old. I'm 2 years clean, have scars all over my body, still am afraid of sex, but I'm tackling one thing at a time, and one day at a time. It was very hard for me to be alone in the darkness, and I'm here now to help someone else out. It sucks to think you're alone, but really, you aren't. And I made this forum to try and help other people cope too.
Love,
Angel
Hi.
My name is Angel, I'm 25 years old and I'm still a virgin. I've struggled off and on with depression and anxiety for most of my life, but only recently developed a sex phobia. That's right. I'm afraid of sex. It's weird to say, or write, but it's true. In particular, I'm afraid of male genitalia. Also funny to actually write out.
When I tried to start reaching out and trying to have relationships, typically with men (only recently realized I'm bisexual) I ended up in a couple different situations where I felt pressured to do more than I was really wanting or comfortable doing. Things that would ordinarily be considered normal in a relationship with two adults, I had some serious issues with because of my fear of intimacy. And because I was so deadset on pleasing other people, I put them first and ended up in a very, very dark place where I hated myself for what I did because it wasn't for me. I ended up cutting to deal with this.
It started off light at first, maybe once every couple days or whenever I felt bad, most of the time it wasn't very deep, but as I spiraled down, I needed more to feel better. Eventually I was very much in danger of going to deep and doing irreversible harm. At some point - and I can't quite articulate what point it was - I snapped. I realized I was a mess. I was drinking heavily and cutting myself almost daily. And I wanted out.
Somehow, I stopped. And I never looked back.
My name is Angel, I'm 25 years old. I'm 2 years clean, have scars all over my body, still am afraid of sex, but I'm tackling one thing at a time, and one day at a time. It was very hard for me to be alone in the darkness, and I'm here now to help someone else out. It sucks to think you're alone, but really, you aren't. And I made this forum to try and help other people cope too.
Love,
Angel
